I was watching an ex-cricketer's interview on television just now. This interview prompted this article. The wise man was talking about treating the seniors with respect. On being questioned by the interviewer on whether respect meant tolerating non-performance, the wise man replied that it means showing restraint. I don’t think you can understand what he meant, really? I haven’t been able to till now! 

I wonder why so many (and there have been so very many) people and experts on cricket have been constantly, over and over again, emphasizing on this ‘respect seniors’ slogan. Instantly back it up with examples of former players who ‘got no respect’. My very logical guess is this sells on TV. It gets viewers watching. The real reason that this theme resonates with the audience is many of them too aren’t respected. No respect probably from their employer, family members, maybe customers. So the modern day ‘senior’ when disrespected is their champion, their anti-hero.  

Sourav Ganguly gets fired, no more a captain, no more in the team. While he was there, there were plenty gunning for his head. Suddenly, once he exited there were even more – sympathizing and fighting for HIS rights. Sourav Ganguly is and was a perfect example of ‘champion’ for these people. They have all been through a situation where they weren’t respected. So what if they couldn’t stand up and confront themselves, they can for Sourav.  Right? 

How respected are you?

How respectful are you?

How well do you earn the respect of others? 

Before you find yourself answering these questions, lets understand what ‘respect’ means. Respect cannot be defined in a dictionary. Respect is intangible. Respect is a feeling. And Respect IS Earned.  It’s not, it’s never, just natural. For example, bosses do not naturally command respect, they earn it. And those who do not earn it have a high employee turnover rate and wonder Why?  They probably indulge in a whole lot of unnecessary surveys as well. 

Respect is earned by words and by actions. That’s all. Things like keeping your promises, whatever they may be. If you said it, you must do it. Coz if you don’t you are a liar. When you lie – people know it, you like a fool and over a period of time – your reputation is shot; tarnished. There is an old joke – How do you know that a salesperson his lying? Unfortunately the answer is that his lips are moving. The joke is more applicable in my view to politicians! The test is simple! How many politicians do you respect? Start counting on your fingers and I guarantee that all your fingers will not be counted. 

Respect is earned by proactively providing service, by becoming more involved in the needs and successes of others and by taking responsibility when responsibility is not really yours.  It’s the extra effort, the extra mile, it’s the extra measure that you put into your process. It’s always the extra, never just the ordinary. Others can sense the ‘extra’, no one notices the ‘ordinary’ – so will respect that effort.

No one might actually walk up to you and say ‘I respect you’, rather they will do things to prove it.  Maybe very small things. Things like taking your phone call, returning your phone call, remembering your birthday… 

Respect begins with opportunity, ends with reality. Everyone has the equal opportunity. So why is it that some are respected and some aren’t? The secret to earning respect, and there is no other way, you have to earn it, is very simple – To earn respect of others, you must first respect yourself. 

This means that you have to have confidence in yourself. You have to like what you do. You have to like yourself. You have to like what you can do for others. Liking simply does not mean liking the way you dress, communicate, present, sell – you have to like yourself for who you are, what you believe in, what you value and what or who you seek to become.  

There is another way to look at this. Once you like yourself for what can become of you and you have this unshakeable confidence for being this, then you will start respecting yourself. It will not happen before this. You will very quickly also then realize that you cannot become what you want to without others. You will definitely, then respect others. If you are still looking for a reason – they are helping you become what you want to become. Isn’t that enough? 

The key therefore is to realize what you can become? How can you possibly respect yourself if you don’t understand you and what you are for? And how can you possibly, therefore, respect others like you?  

This wise man ex-cricketer has sympathies with other cricketers on the verge of retirement because and only because of one reason – he could never himself answer a question – the question is that after cricket what? Now, he sees others who probably haven’t answered it too. And So … Mutual respect for disrespect! 

What is strange though is that in reality no one disrespects them. Even if some do, they are very few. We all respect them, I think, they represent the country and we all feel proud when they do. Where is the question of disrespect arising and why? Could it be that they are looking for a validation of the past because they do not know the future? Could it be that they do not know the future because they never thought of ‘who’ they will eventually become? Could it be that because they do not know ‘who’ they will be that  they are now struggling to have the same respect for themselves as they might have, say ten years ago, when they could actually see ten years ahead? Is it not that how much you get respected is directly proportionate to how much you respect yourself? 

I am not for a moment suggesting that you have to be extremely enlightened or be a complete goody two-shoes.  I am certainly not. But I do have a ton of respect for myself, what I do and can do and will do or what I am, can be and will be.  What respect means is doing the right things for yourself, taking the right actions and loving yourself enough that it is evident when you enter a room, evident that your expressions come as much from your heart as they do from your mind, and the same with your actions.  What respect also means is realizing that your actions will not lead you anywhere without others.  

I urge you to spend a day in reflection. Think about who you are and what you want to become. Think of the changes you need to make to be better and stronger. If you find, that you don’t quite attract the respect, you so truly deserve, then maybe your self-respect suffers from the way you see yourself in the mirror or some of the personal choices you make or made. Maybe it’s the environment. But whatever it is, if you don’t acknowledge it, you won’t change it.  If you won’t change it – you wouldn’t really respect yourself any more than you currently do. If you don’t respect yourself anymore than you currently do – no one else will respect you any more than they currently do. And certainly you will forever miss out on the respect you truly deserve, only because you never thought who you can be and liked what you thought. 

There is no measuring tool for respect. Yet we all know how much we are respected or not and by whom?  The reason we know is because it is a direct outcome of our actions. You see, you can get respect only by earning it and that process starts with you, with you and your respect for you. 

Do the right thing and respect will be yours. Say the right words, take the right action and believe in your heart that you are doing the best you can do – for yourself first and others second.  Before you start to do this, one last time, please answer a simple question – Who you are and what will you become?  Now like and love what you thought and said, rest will be automatic, otherwise it will never be.